Joe Moody’s Web Adventures

This sunflower reminded me of something van Gogh would’ve painted, radiance slowly waning against the ominous autumn sky … from Central Lake, Michigan.

As a big fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm, the brainchild of Larry David who previously helped write and produce Seinfeld, I was completely let down by the season premier.

It showed signs of what happens when writers run out of new ideas so instead they get more extreme in their plot points.

First, Larry’s fictitious manager Jeff has sex with a mentally impaired person on the drop of a dime (Larry goes to the bathroom and comes back to find Jeff in her bedroom romping away.)

Second, Larry tries to race home to break up with his girlfriend before she’s told she has cancer, reasoning that you “can’t break up with someone who has cancer.” But apparently it’s perfectly OK to break up with someone a few minutes before they are diagnosed.

Not believable and not funny.

I was accustomed to laughing out loud at least several times at Larry’s often mundane but hilarious social faux-pas. But during this first episode of Season 7 I didn’t laugh out loud once. I even tried but it came out more like a forced cough.

Of course we are also getting ready for the Seinfeld reunion episode of Curb, but after seeing this first installment I can only guess it’s just another ploy to keep viewers watching as the true hilarity of Larry David now seems like a parody of itself.

The actors too often were smiling at their own cleverness, another sign of how success can spoil authenticity.

Now for a word about the nature of true comedy, it’s supposed to be uniting and affirming of the goodness of human nature, often by allowing us to laugh at the bad. But if the characters are making decisions that are so inherently wrong that is destroys any possibility of a truly happy ending, then we might as well be dealing with tragedy.

I will watch the next episode and if things improve, I’ll be back here with an update.

Today, it would raise more than a red flag if a flight school student said he didn’t need to learn how to land a plane.

But what we’ve learned goes beyond the added vigilance. Our evolution went something like this:

9-11: Denial
9-12: Anger until the end of 2004
2005 to present: Acceptance

We accept there will always be those who hate us, no matter how much we either bomb or appease.

We accept we can’t convert the world to democratic capitalism, but that America was founded on such principals and should remain that way.

We accept that the Cold War is over unless we behave like it still exists, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

We accept that world power isn’t in how many nation-states we have influence, but in how much the nation-states and their people respect us.

We accept that that no matter how much bad America has ever done, the good outweighs it. We’re the most charitable country in the world.

We accept that leading by example is the best way to hinder the propagation of our enemies.

We accept that the founders didn’t want an expanding empire, they wanted a free country protected by safe and secure borders.

We’re still struggling with this acceptance, but at least we’ve reached that stage.

WASHINGTON - Popular demand for healthy eating culminated in recent federal legislation requiring all fast-food restaurants to serve only healthy fare.

McDonald’s, always on the cutting edge, introduced more salad options years ago, as well as grilled chicken sandwiches instead of fried.

“Now they’re taking it to the next level,” said Dr. Ronald McNarlow, professor in food-service studies at Berkley.

First there was the McVegan Eggplant basted in olive oil and organic tomato sauce. Then came along the McOven-baked free-range Chicken served with potatoes and McGreen Beans.

“Healthy food can benefit the immune system, like medicine. Or food can tax us, like the government,” McNarlow said.

However, not all customers are pleased with the new offerings.

“Where’s the grease?” asked one customer who felt he was being hoodwinked.

“We still have french fries but cooked in healthy oil,” replied the cashier. The customer then ordered a super size fries and Big Mac. The new Big Mac slogan appeared on a banner on the wall: “Two all beef patties, special herb sauce, organic lettuce, gourmet cheese, pickles, onions on a whole-wheat sesame seed bun.”

Burger King didn’t hesitate to unveil their changes. The new “Sailor’s Whopper” features freshly-caught fish grilled in a garlic and butter rub, served with potato wedges that still have the skins. The traditional beef Whopper features locally grown beef and fresh lettuce, tomato and pickles harvested the same day from Burger King’s new in-store greenhouses.

And while the nation gets introduced to many exotic and holistic menu items, it’s given way to a new subculture of people who crave the old trans-fat ways.

“All this hoopla has arrived with unexpected consequences,” McNarlow said.

McNarlow cited the new trend of “home-cooked junk food” that peaks on Thanksgiving. “People are getting so used to eating healthy year-round, that many Thanksgiving tables now feature greasy burgers and fries splattered with trans fats. Of course such grease is becoming harder to find, many resort to the black market to score their grease.”

Similar to the Speak-easies of the twenties that secretly served alcohol during prohibition, McNarlow spoke of a new underground society, where shadowy characters “smuggle deep fryers into homes, creating trans-fat cocktales of banned foods.”

Police have discovered many of these secret groups are also starting to partake in another banned activity: smoking cigarettes in private.

Note: The preceding is satirical fiction.